What truly is “Anti-adoption” and would you consider yourself?
June 2nd, 2010 22 Comments
Posted by admin
Question by …: What truly is “Anti-adoption” and would you consider yourself?
to be “Anti-adoption”.
Please leave your opinions of other people out of this, what do YOU consider yourself to be even if not “Anti-adoption”?
may I ask, under what circumstance do you feel adoptions are okay?
Best answer:
Answer by DevonChaos
I try not to put a label to my beliefs because then people will assume I believe in certain ideas based on that label.
Add your own answer in the comments!
Would “Anti-adoption” be that no-one can adopt? If so I think it’s stupid!
I personally think and believe that anyone that cannot have children or just plain want to can adopt! There are so many kids out there without parents and vise versa. They should be able to adopt if they have the means to care for a child and give them what a chile needs! It’s doesn’t matter is you’re homosexual or mexican or whatever!
Lets see. Most consider me anti-adoption but I am not. I am pro adoption reform. Will that ever happen? No not in my lifetime.
I am probably one that leans more to the anti adoption side because I see what the industry makes on adoption. We are not just talking about domestic infant. We are also talking about international adoption and foster care/foster care adoption.
I am also seeing more and more adoptive parents siding with the anti-adoption crew. Why? They too are getting burned for doing what we ask them to do.
It’s not clear cut to answer. There are some that believe that any adoption should be overturned and the children returned to their families of origin. There are some who believe that the policies of adoption are fundamentally flawed because of the legalized lies and smothering of original identity. There are some who believe that guardianship and kinship care should be the main focus. There are some that believe that human trafficking for international adoption is tragic and systematic plucking of a culture out from under them. There are those opposed to foster care adoption because of how broken the system is for attempting to do what is needed for the children and families forced to use that system. There are those that believe that the adoption industry needs serious reform and regulation or banishment.
All of it falls under the idea of anti-adoption when it comes to the unicorn fart adoption is wonderful crowd. The trouble is when people who believe in reform is necessary get worried that they are being negatively lumped in with the others who seems more crazy then they are. The “oh I fall here on the spectrum, but I’m not nearly as extreme as those over there…”
I am anti-adoption in most circumstances. I would rather see the humanity come back in the process of reaching out to those that have to consider surrender, abandonment and relinquishment of their children. I would rather see the children that really need homes attended to, instead of exploiting women and societies into awful social policies and treated like bovine breeders and puppy mills.
I definitely would not consider myself “anti-adoption”. I think there are a few things wrong with the whole “adoption” process, one of those being the cost of adoption which seem to be a little insane. Adoption Agencies want these kids to go to good homes that can care for them, then why in the world are we charging adoptive parents $20,000 + to adopt?
I’ve experinced adoption twice with two “cousins” (not blood related). From what I saw, both babies who were placed from birth went to very good couples and are in a much better place then if they would have stayed with the birth mothers. Of course, all situations are different. But I would never put down a woman for trying to do what she feels is best for her child.
I’m anti-unethical/unnecessary/and closed adoptions.
I’m pro-foster care adoption that remains open (unless there are issues of abuse or drugs/alcohol).
I believe in providing homes for children who need them, not babies for people who want them.
I can not be anti adoption. My daughter got great parents. I am for more informed decisions. If a woman wants to put her child up for adoption I want her to examine her reasons and have all sides of the affects. Not just the side that makes another couple or a single parent happy.
Young parents and/or financial problems – completely and passionately anti-adoption. Any adoptive parent who takes advantage of these situations justly earns the vulture label.
Abuse and neglect – Anyone who harms a child (adoptive, natural, foster, guardian) does mandatory jail time. If adoption is required to protect the child, completely and passionately pro-adoption.
I am not against adoption-if a woman is not going to parent for whatever reason,I would want that child to be adopted and given a good life.
**it is so funny how you get thumbs down for saying you believe in adoption..you people make me ill**
i, like you, don’t like labels. But if i had to apply one to myself, i’d say “Adoptee who learns something new everyday.”
To say someone is anti or pro adoption is a bit too restrictive. While I’m generally in favour of adoptions:
- I don’t believe that all domestic adoptions as immoral.
- I don’t believe that all domestic adoptions are flawless.
- I don’t believe that all international adoptions are human trafficking.
- I don’t believe that all international adoptions are perfect.
- I don’t feel that all women who place a child for adoption are coerced.
- I don’t feel that all women who place a child for adoption are perfect.
- I don’t believe that adoption agencies are only in it for the money.
- I don’t believe that they only cater to people who want to buy a baby.
- I don’t believe that those who want to adopt a baby are selfish or evil or in search of a child they can mould.
- I don’t believe that adoptive parents should hide the adoption from their child.
- I understand the frustration over amended birth certificates but I also understand the legalities behind them.
- I understand an adoptees desire to know where they came from but I also accept the fact that there are those who placed a child for adoption don’t want their info disclosed.
- I don’t believe that those who are infertile are taking the “second best” route to having a family.
- I don’t believe that everyone who wants to adopt should be allowed or able to.
- I don’t believe that every celebrity who adopts is “buying a baby”, “breaking the law”, doing so for the recognition or for selfish reasons.
And, I understand that the world is not perfect but it’s the best we have and:
– the need for adoption is not going to go away overnight;
– there will always be a need for adoption;
– regardless of how you feel about it there are literally millions of needy children in search of loving homes.
I consider myself pro-adoption for children who truly need homes and families to parent them, but pro-reform. I am against coerced adoption, sealed records, lies, and unnecessary family separations.
Personally, I would view anti-adoption as people who believed that adoption was always wrong, for all children/families in all circumstances. If someone took a more moderate view than the absolute extreme, I would consider them pro-reform and/or pro- family preservation.
I would phrase it as a positive (“pro” what they do support) rather than negative unless their viewpoint was completely without shades of grey in saying adoption was all unquestioned badness.
This is probably going to put me in a box that I will never be able to get out of, but yes, I am anti-adoption, as it is practiced today in the United States. I know that there will always be 1-2% of women who never want to have children and are not going to abort. I know that there will be orphans, and children who truly cannot live with their natural families. These children exist.
However, in our country, women and children are the lowest rungs on the power ladder, particularly pregnant women. Having BEEN predated upon, I know how it sucks. Adoption is big business, largely unregulated in the United States. We protect business, we protect profits. It is women and children that we don’t protect. Babies are a commodity and that is shameful. Our women and babies deserve respect, honor and protection from the people who profit from them.
That is why I, when give such limited choices, choose the label of anti-adoption, which I am actually not, totally. Nor am I thrilled with labels that limit me or other women. We put each other in boxes, and dismiss and that is the end of conversation.
I agree with Randy when he said, “to say someone is anti or pro adoption is a bit too restrictive.”
BUT- unlike Randy,
If “anti-adoption” means to make ALL adoptions ethical and rare, then I will raise my hand.
-I believe that all domestic newborn adoptions are immoral, unless there is abuse, which is rare in newborn adoptions
-I believe pre-birth matching should be illegal.
-I believe NO money should be made from adoption. By anyone.
- I believe that all international adoptions are human trafficking. Whether the adoption is because of poverty, or forced by inhumane governments, you are STILL buying a child, and mostly because you cannot get newer ones in North America.
- I feel that MOST women who place a child for adoption are coerced.
- I don’t feel that all women who place a child for adoption are perfect.
- I believe that adoption agencies are only in it for the money. Google it. Adoption is a BILLION dollar a year industry.
- I believe that they only cater to people who want to buy a baby.
- I believe that many who want to adopt a baby are selfish and are in search of a child they can mould.
- I don’t believe that adoptive parents should hide the adoption from their child.
- I understand an adoptees desire to know where they came from but I also accept the fact that there are those who placed a child for adoption don’t want their info disclosed…and well, too bad. Adoptees have the right to know their families.
- I believe that those who are infertile are taking the “second best” route to having a family.
- I don’t believe that everyone who wants to adopt should be allowed or able to.
- I believe that every celebrity who adopts is “buying a baby”, “breaking the law”, and is doing so for the recognition or for selfish reasons….unless they adopt an older “domestic” child from foster care.
I feel the ONLY acceptable adoptions are those through foster care, or when there is abuse and there is no one in the child’s natural family to raise the him or her. For me, ALL international and domestic newborn adoptions are not in the best interest of the child. (except when there is abuse…which again, is very rare in newborn adoptions)
I believe in adoption. I feel adoptions are ok under most scenarios.
I read in the paper today where a 9 wk old little boy has crushed ribs due to his father. If he survives he will go to a foster home if no responsible relatives are located,list of relatives comes from the parents.
I just hope he lives to be adopted.
I believe the majority of adopted children DO come from abusive homes and my stats support that belief. And that is tragic!
What truly is ‘Anti-Adoption’?
The label that is given to any person who does not give Praise on Bended Knee and Adulation to the Institution of Adoption.
The label that is given to any person who questions the practices of the Institution of Adoption, it’s co-horts and minions.
I am Semi-Anti-Adoption.
I believe that growing up adopted is emotionally unhealthy–therefore, adoption should be avoided except in cases of abuse, addiction, or profound neglect.
I think an “Anti-adoption” person is the polar opposite of the “Rainbows and Bunny” person.
The Rainbows person can’t conceive of anything outside of the view that the adoptee is always grateful and desperately needed a home, the adoptive parent is always perfect and the first mother is always someone who just didn’t want to be a parent.
Conversely,the anti-adoption person can’t really conceive of anything outside of the view that the adoptee is always suffering and didn’t need a home or family, the adoptive parent is a greedy baby-stealer or child trafficker and the first mother is always a victim.
Both have very narrow perspectives and tend to denigrate or minimize anything that doesn’t fit into their little paradiem of how things work. This includes people of the same “group” (meaning: other adoptees, other first parents, other adoptive parents) that feel differently than they do.
Personally, I try to keep a balanced look at adoption. Like Randy, I don’t believe it’s all sunshine and roses, but it isn’t all gloom and doom either.
And I don’t care what some people think, children in foster care are NOT the only children that need homes.
I am against forced adoption as in these cases as in these cases all the parent(s) need is a bit of support and maybe practical help for a period of time. If a child is being neglected or abused then I do agree that the child should be removed from their parent(s). However I prefer legal guardianship to adoption.
I would consider myself more anti adoption than pro adoption. If you knew me, and have seen the pain I’ve been going through this last couple weeks, you would probably understand a little better.
I really am not at a place where I am thinking too much about ethics involved in adoption. I’m too new to learning about it, and the emotions are way too raw. My wounds feel pretty fresh since this is the first year I have ever stopped to give my first mom (and my loss) any thought. I really think about adoption from an emotional level. And I am against anything that would leave another person so emotionally gutted.
I understand that not everyone takes it so hard. Some people really did go on to have more opportunity, a “better life”, etc. Some people had no doubts. I used to not have doubts. I don’t try to speak for them, because they don’t need my voice. The people I speak out against adoption for, are the people like me who may feel like they are alone in their feelings of pain and sadness.
I can’t really get into an ethics debate or explain myself on that level today. But I am against adoption for a lot of emotional reasons.
Well, I wouldn’t call myself “anti-adoption”, but I also wouldn’t call myself “pro-adoption” (that is, in favour of indiscriminate adoption).
I think that many of the stereotypes that are used to describe each group are contributing to many misconceptions, and, as someone else mentioned, we all need to recognize that there are others in our same position who do not share our feelings, and that their feelings are no less valid or “enlightened” than our own.
I’ve ranted about this before, but not every adoptee who does not regret having been adopted is emotionally stunted, or in denial. We are out there; most of us are just not on the internet discussing it, because we are busy living our lives. I came here looking for information as an AP…what I found, surprised me.
Not every First Mother feels as though their child was coerced or stolen from them. Mine doesn’t. She didn’t want to be a parent. Period. She wasn’t young, nor was she in a vulnerable position at that time. She made a choice, and she still stands by it. It doesn’t mean she didn’t and doesn’t love me, only that parenting was never something she wanted to do, and she should have that choice. My parents were not yet waiting…But she sought them out (distant friends of friends of friends) because she wanted them to be my parents. I’m glad she did.
Not every Adoptive parent feels entitled to the children of others, or is wealthy, self-indulgent and greedy. Some, like my parents, and I hope, like myself, just love our kids, and want to do the best we can by them, which includes considering their needs before our own, and including their first family in our lives in the most appropriate way possible for our kids.
Many of you would be surprised to know that the VAST majority of AP’s I know support open adoption, support first families and are in support of adoptee open records and reunification, should the adoptee choose to do so. I consider my daughter’s family to be our family. Unfortunately, her first mom is unhealthy right now, and can’t actively participate in our lives for my daughter’s safety, and I still grieve for her. There is an empty place at our table. Always.
I am pro-choice. Every choice. I said once that I think abortion and adoption should be legal, but prevented. I got a bunch of TD…Let me clarify. Crisis pregnancy should be prevented, which would make both of these options less necessary overall. But I don’t want any of these choices “banned”, since I am not in a position to tell ANY woman what to do with her body, her uterus, or her life. Period. To do so is presumptious and obnoxious.
I am in favour of all adoptions being public, rather than being facilitated by agencies. At least then, if a woman truly chose to relinquish, it would be without the complications of waiting adoptive parents, and without feeling beholden to anyone who has already paid expenses for her. It should be her choice, in every sense of the word. No one should have a direct vested interest in any possible choice that she could make. She must also be presented with all facts, on each side. No pro-adoption rhetoric, no pro-abortion rhetoric. NO ONE should tell her what to do.
After that, I believe any choice she makes to be valid. I trust her.
I believe that there are many, many children here who are waiting, and so very lovable. I also resent my child being called a “second choice”. Because she is my child, and I love her, and no parent would appreciate such a thing said about their child.
I don’t believe that adoptive parents are more or less abusive than biological parents raising their child. Sadly, there can be abuse by either or both types of parents. It is not more prevalent with either. Bad parents are bad parents, adoptive or not.
I am opposed to international adoption to a certain extent. That’s not to say that I’m opposed to all IAP’s, only that I have an issue with international laws that don’t require more information, transparency, and especially prevention. I have a HUGE issue with celebrity adoptions, particularly the debacle with Madonna, since laws were blatantly ignored, and family silenced in order to “smuggle” that little girl out of Malawi, in exchange for aid. That is the essence of child-trafficking.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I abhor the commodification of children, and while I don’t think that everyone involved in IA is unethical, I think that there is too much room for unethical adoptions, because there are too many intermediaries involved. Also, I think removing a child from their home country and culture is an absolute last resort.
As I’ve said before, I am for adoption truth. One person’s story should never speak for everyone, and fortunately things are changing for the better, in some circles (socially, although sadly, not always legally). Open adoptions (successful ones) are becoming more common. I am a member of several groups with other AP’s (in real life) and am seeing more positive outcomes related to open adoptions in the long term (as in, many of these children are in their teenaged years and beyond with open adoption agreements still being honored.
I believe that if we all listen to one another a little more, it would be easier to focus on the real problems affecting everyone, rather than just kicking up mud because we’re angry.
I believe that a person’s choices should never be measured by the yardstick of another.
I am pro-parenting first! I believe we have lost the value and worth in keeping families together. Have lessened the true importance of being a mother and lowered the mother/child bond to something that really isn’t all that important. I believe our lowered views of how important motherhood is has made a differerence through the generations and told women that it’s okay if they don’t want to be the best they can for their child because they can just decide not to do it or let someone else do it for them. I fully believe if we shift the tides and place the importance of natural family, parenting and motherhood back into our society, we will not only make a change in the world of adoption, but also in the world of neglected, abused and mistreated children.
I am against adoption as it is practiced in today’s world. I am completely against Domestic Infant Adoption. I don’t believe any pregnant women should have any contact with anyone involved with adoption until after she has given birth and tried parenting. I am against telling pregnant mothers that it’s okay to give your child to someone else to raise them better. I’m against not supporting and helping mothers to be the best they can for their own children I’m against the fact that Infant Adoption exists only for the benefit of the couple who wants to fulfill their needs and has nothing to do with the child caught in the middle.
I’m against the billion dollar profits made through adoption. The acceptance that treating any women in the way the industry does is acceptable and right. That financial reasons, lack of support, etc . . . are acceptable reasons to separate a mother and child for life.
I don’t believe that anyone is “saving” a child from another country by bringing them here and expecting them to forget their own culture. I believe there are MANY mothers in the others countries who are being coerced, tricked and/or forced to surrender their children and that supporting and helping them too should always come before adoption.
I am for every child having a home and family to love them. And no child should ever have to live with abuse or neglect. But in those situations, as well as in Domestic Infant Adoption and International Adoption, every avenue should be used to keep the child within their family first. If that isn’t a possibility and adoption is the ONLY choice then I believe open adoption is a MUST in whatever terms is decided for the safety of the child.
Birth certificates should not be changed or hidden away from adoptees. A child should not be expected to completely give up on their own heritage and roots just to be accepted and loved by another family. They should be allowed to be who they are and never expected to change for someone else.
If those beliefs make me anti-adoption, than I will take the title and wear it proudly.
I am PRO-adoption. I don’t beleive there are “unethical” adoptions… I believe there are adoptions or kidnappings. PERIOD.
Adoptions are needed and the adoptive family (parents and children) should be supported as such.
Kidnappings are wrong and illegal and the kidnappers should be punished.