Does anyone have experience with an adoption “within” the family ?
Question by sonnyfoxx2: Does anyone have experience with an adoption “within” the family ?
I have recently been informed that my 15 year old neice is pregnant. My wife and I are considering adopting the baby once it’s born, since my neice has mentioned putting the child up for adoption. Does anyone out there have any first or second hand experience with “interfamily” adoption? Are there any pros and cons I should think about?
Best answer:
Answer by cathygirl32
My best friend adopted her cousin’s baby (interracial relationship). Since my friend is white and the child is black (she’s 10 now), she does know about being adopted. She is the sweetest, nicest little “lady.” She DOES NOT know who her real mother is. The family get togethers are few and far between as the family’s live in different states, but they do go smoothly when they happen as it was the cousin’s decision for the adoption.
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I think it would be an awsome thing and you should truly consider it. One pro is you know the family the child is comming from a big plus as in other adoptions its a quessing game.
My cousin’s husband was adopted by his grandmother and his alleged sister was his true mother. They never told him until he was older. He always wanted to know who his father was but nobody would ever tell him. It was great that he didn’t have to be adopted, but in a way it wasn’t because his own mother didn’t want him and seeing her everyday was a constant reminder.
This is not an easy thing.
I am for open adoption. That is, telling the baby from the beginning on, like “You were in the womb of X and she gave birth to you, but Mom and I are your parents, because we love you, we have been raising you and caring for you” etc. If you are honest and open, and is everyone else in the family, and take it all with a lot of humor, things can turn out good. This (adoption within the family) was custom, even the only form of adoption hundred years ago and before. When the family was poor and could not afford to raise a child, he/she was given away to old or childless relatives. The child knew and respected the biological parents, but considered the adoptives as his/her real parents.
But when the biological mother meets her child often, it can be a very hard thing for her to treat the kid just as a relative, and not her own son/daughter. It acquires a lot of wisdom to accept that you name, raise, care for the child in the way you want to and can, and that she has no voice in that. But it can be also relieving for her to see, that her child is in good hands, and not far away, and that she is able to show her love towards him/her too.
Pray to get an answer. Talk it over with the whole family. But in the end it’s only the mother and you and your wife whose opinion and will really matters. And please don’t do pressure on the girl – let it be a decision she can accept with her whole heart.
Inform us about your decision.
Two of my sisters were adopted my dads aunts. Growing up we were cousins. When I was old enough it was explained to me and both my aunts told both of my sisters when they were old enough. Because one of my sisters was way older I grew up knowing that biologicaly she was my sister. My other sister was told when she was like 12. my older sister it worked out fine there were no problems. The sister that was closer to my age she didn’t take it very well. she rebeled agaist my aunt and went to live with our mom after a while she realized why my aunt adopted her and it turned out fine. Not to say that it always will but with family its easier to have the parents involed and easier to explain later cause its coming from blood and someone whom they have learned to trust, as opposed to finding out your being raised by perfect strangers and wondering the truth has to why your parents aren’t there. Its also easier for the parents to get the child back when they are ready.