Daniel and Megan felt drawn to the little dark-haired child they had seen in the orphanage half way around the world, but they felt they had more questions than answers. “Where do we start?” Megan asked as we spoke on the phone. The adoption agency needed a response and they felt frozen in their fear. After receiving guidance and answers from other adoptive parents who had the same questions as Daniel and Megan, they soon brought home their little daughter. Megan shared later how the advice to seek a pediatrician early in the process helped them learn what to expect in their adoption and to have a realistic view of the challenges they might face. Now, six years later, they have adopted two more children, another girl and a boy from the same country.
When considering adoption, parents should always consult a pediatrician. Pediatricians with knowledge of the special needs of older children or international adoptions can be a wealth of information regarding issues that may arise with your adoptive child. They can provide vital information before the adoption, help with the decision making while in the process of adoption,
and assist with on-going issues after the adoption.
Discussing your plans to adopt with a pediatrician will give you much needed information about psychological and medical needs that your adoptive child may have. Your pediatrician can explain some medical problems common to newly adopted children. They may discuss issues of attachment, loss, and grief that adoptive children often go through. Your pediatrician may also discuss physical and medical issues that your adoptive child may be facing.
Meeting with your pediatrician before you start the adoption process will bring medical and mental health issues to light that you possibly were not aware of before. Such a meeting helped Megan and Daniel decide to adopt two more children. They gained knowledge and confidence, and their fear was minimized.
After starting the adoption process, a pediatrician can be an invaluable asset to you. If you are able, bring the medical and mental health records of the child to your pediatrician; they can explain specific issues to you. Often you will have a list of all the diagnoses that have been assigned to your child.
A pediatrician can explain them in terminology that you can understand and discuss possible long-term problems of particular disorders. For example, if a child has a diagnosis of Attention Deficit Disorder, your pediatrician can explain behaviors that are typical and problems other parents have had in dealing with their children. Your pediatrician will also model some language choices that you may not have thought of previously. For example, most pediatricians will refer to all the siblings in a family as brother or sister not ‘adopted brother’ or ‘adopted sister.’
Pediatricians are careful not to say ‘natural parent’ when speaking of the child’s birth parent. The term ‘natural parent’ implies that you are then the ‘unnatural parent.’ You must be comfortable talking openly with your pediatrician about all medical issues relating to the adoption of a new member into your family. If you do not already have a family pediatrician, ask other adoptive parents for recommendations and then interview several different pediatricians to find one that seems to best fit you and your family.
Some questions may be difficult for you to ask but will probably reveal the most important information to you. For instance, you may hear that a child you wanted to adopt is going to have a lot of medical issues that you don’t think you can handle. By discussing those issues openly, you will be able to prepare yourself fully for the adoption of your child. Or, after discussing the possible medical issues, you may decide not right for you. Do not be afraid to ask a lot of questions.
Your pediatrician’s job is to help you be the best parent you can be. Of course, your pediatrician will be of extreme help to you throughout your child’s life.
Mardie Caldwell, C.O.A.P. is a Certified Open Adoption Practitioner, an award winning author of 2 adoption books Adopting Online and Adoption: Your Step-by-Step Guide. Mardie is also the talk show host of Let’s Talk Adoption.com with Mardie Caldwell and the founder of Lifetime Adoption in 1986. She travels and speaks nationwide on adoption topics, family topics, infertility and writing. She has been quoted in and consulted for Parenting and Adoption magazines and has appeared on CNN, CBS, ABC, BBC, NBC, and Fox. Featured in Parade Magazine, Caldwell is an adoptive mother living in Northern California.
