My 15 year old niece has well and truly lurched off the rails. Our family (especially my sister) is devastated and pretty-much powerless to do anything except stand by and watch as this once-adored and well-catered-for teenager accelerates in a downward spiral into a pit of self-destruction.
As with all crisis situations, the “why?” is uppermost in all of our minds. How could this have happened? Where did we go wrong? We examine, scrutinise and debate our family’s and our own individual beliefs, attitudes, actions and behaviour, searching for the single, elusive answer that will throw some light on our failure to protect from harm this “troubled” and “troublesome” young, adolescent female in our midst. But the revelation is not forthcoming, nor is it possible to pinpoint the catalyst that transformed her into the demon that she’s become, haunting us all. She can’t begin to comprehend the emotional, mental and spiritual chaos that she’s unleashed on our entire family, nor does she care. In fact, she thinks it’s funny and doesn’t possess a single shred of remorse for the damage she’s inflicted on each and every one of us. The fallout continues.
Our tragic situation is a culmination of events and circumstances spanning several years. It has been aided and abetted by certain situations that have transpired, and has been encouraged by particular individuals with whom she has chosen to associate especially over the last two years. The desire was there and the opportunities presented themselves. A lethal, social concoction has been gently brewing in the background of our daily lives. None of us could, with sufficient certainty, discern the catastrophic change evolving in this girl until it was well established.
She is highly intelligent, a great actress, clever and devious. All wonderful attributes for living a double life. Blissfully ignorant, we stood in the wings, while our diva in centre stage gave the most convincing performances of her life and left us firstly gaping from disbelief, secondly gasping from the horror of it all, then finally leaving us drowning in a deluge of tears. Certainly, in hindsight, we can piece together parts of the jigsaw, but on the whole we largely missed and failed to act upon the first puffs of smoke tinkling the fire alarm bells of our minds. Thankfully she is still alive and (for the moment at least) has returned to the family fold. There is still hope.
I am not writing this as a sob-story, as a form of excuse to apportion blame, to absolve us from guilt or to give voice to religious fanaticism. Rather, I am compelled to spread the word as a dire warning to other unsuspecting parents, many of whom are totally oblivious to the insidious forces that are permeating every aspect of our modern, hectic, domestic lives. These forces are ultimately exerting their harmful influences on our (at least initially) innocent children. As parents, you need to be aware of and become educated about certain activities that your children may have become interested in and/or involved with, most probably without your knowledge. This way you may be a trifle more savvy than we were, and can perhaps nip a potentially dangerous situation in the bud. “Know thy enemy” is the first tenet of war. And believe me, if your child becomes involved in these activities, you will be at war. This is my mission; to forewarn and forearm you.
The tag “Emo” first oozed into our consciousness and vocabulary via the media with a report on television outlining the tragic deaths of two young schoolgirls in Melbourne a couple of years ago. They apparently committed suicide in a death pact. The term “Emo” was bandied about in connection with the tragedy.
My sister and I had never heard of this “cult” before. I remember my niece making the comment “You wouldn’t want to know,” when over a cup of coffee, we voiced our ignorance of the term and just what being “Emo” entailed. The tone of her response to our discussion appeared to us to be somewhat derisive of “Emos.” Our small voices of concern were effectively silenced by what we interpreted from her as an outward show of disgust for the cult. “Good,” we reassured ourselves. “No danger of her getting involved in that. She’s obviously not enamoured with it at all.” My niece did not elaborate and we did not press her for further information. Big mistake. We should have pursued it, because you see we were not correct in our assumption. She doesn’t embrace “Emo” but she is a “Scene” kid which is much worse. True “Scene” kids have little time for what they view as their inferior and pathetic rivals – “Emos.”
If you have never heard of “Scene” please take the time and make the effort to find out what it’s all about. There are literally thousands of websites devoted to this cult worldwide. “Scene” is being openly and aggressively promoted and marketed to vulnerable adolescents. By whom, one might well ask? It’s anybody’s guess.
As any parent knows peer pressure is the most formidable of foes and “Scene” capitalises on this. This movement is nothing short of sinister. The cult websites provide instructions and advice on how to become a “Scene” kid, covering everything from your hairstyle, what to wear, what music to listen to (including promoting the downloading of massive amounts of music with its astronomical associated costs), how to behave towards others and provides language scripts (stock sayings and covert terms recognizable only to other cult initiates, including advice on where, when and when not to use them). These web pages provide the definitive handbook for any interested party but are especially geared for insecure, impressionable adolescents yearning for acceptance and attention amongst their peers.
For those of you who are “Baby-boomers,” yes, it does seem on the surface that this behaviour is comparable to what teenagers were doing in the 60’s and 70’s. Peace, sex, free love, communes, pop music, “pep” pills and LSD were the key components of many teenagers’ lives in the 1960’s. Despite the hysteria presented in the media at the time though, not all teenagers were “Mods, Rockers, Bodgies or Widgies,” dabbled with drugs, or indulged in wanton promiscuity. In fact, a large proportion of young people grew up relative innocents, to become fairly well-balanced, responsible adults.
However, there are a number of key elements involved in ‘Scene” that were not a consideration, let alone an issue, during the Hippie era. There has been a major shift in attitude and behaviour amongst mainstream teenagers today and it is not necessarily for the better. This is being compounded by ready access to technology (including mobile phones, unbridled and unsupervised internet access and virtual social networking such as MSN, Myspace, Facebook, Stickam and Buzznet). The situation is further exacerbated through a loss of parental control and lack of support for parents, as well as a change in attitude and distinct lack of (or inappropriate) responses to the problems from the powers that be (i.e. Social Welfare and Health agencies, schools and the Police). This has become vividly apparent to us through our own family’s recent encounters with these authorities.
As far as I can determine, there are two levels of “Scene” kids. The first is mainly a group of young people making a particular fashion statement. The second borders on being a form of religion. True “Scene” is a very powerful movement and its membership is growing. On one website that I visited, the number of hits has reached 606,926. The “Scene” movement focusses on (for want of a better phrase) “the dark side”and promotes death, suicide and rebellion against any form of authority. Worse still, it is largely an underground movement which, to the best of my knowledge, few parents are educated about.
We recently discovered to our horror that in true cult fashion “Scene” quickly closes ranks around any potential threat to its membership. Drugs, alcohol, sex, witchcraft, self-mutilation, suicide attempts, thrill-seeking, alienating themselves from the rest of the family, truancy and running away from home are all activities which the “Scene” teenager willingly exposes himself/herself to and freely embraces. What is more disturbing however, is that “Scene” is not exclusively the domain of teenagers. As we also discovered for ourselves, there is a more mature age group circulating amongst “Scene” teens which raises a whole new set of disturbing and unsavoury questions.
“Scene” is the arch-enemy of all parents but especially so of any decent, caring, responsible guardian. If you have any reason to suspect that your adolescent might be undergoing fundamental changes in attitude, behaviour or dress code – investigate. Ask probing questions that you as a parent are entitled to know the answers to. Monitor your children’s movements. Check what they’re doing on their computers and mobile phones – who they’re talking to and about what. Be vigilant. Don’t be silenced with “put-downs” or snide comments. Be strong, steadfast and persistent. Persevere until you’re absolutely sure that all is as it should be.
While I firmly believe that “trust” is important in any relationship, it may be necessary to stoop to underhanded means – such as snooping – to gain the intelligence required to protect your child. Remember that you are foremost a parent and not your child’s best friend. You have a responsibility to lovingly guide, protect, censure and discipline your offspring. It may cause a backlash, but better this than to discover at a later date that while you have been out busting your boiler to provide for your family, exhausting yourself with cleaning, shopping and attending to all your other parental responsibilities, your child has lapsed into depression, got in with the “wrong” crowd, started taking drugs and drinking alcohol, is promiscuous, is sneaking out at night, is dabbling in the occult to boot, has developed psychosis and has violent thoughts.
Tears, tantrums and endless hours of ostracism from your teen will no doubt ensue and will be hard to tolerate. However, they are but a small price to pay for your family’s safety and sanity in the long run. You will weather the storm and the result will have been worth every ounce of your time, energy, courage and forbearance.
Author: Eleanor Wylie
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
Provided by: Digital Camera Information
